All alone.....

Having your partner away can feel quite lonely and very depressing at times, feelings I have had to go through the past 5 and a half weeks. We were only suppose to apart for four weeks but alas things did not go according to plan so the time apart is now longer.

In the past 5 years we have been together we have never been away from each other this long. The longest we had been apart before was 10 days early on in the relationship then it went down to a couple of days. Never more than a week. So quite obviously this time apart right now is very painful for both of us. I have had really low times where I just wanna cry all day but then there are times I feel I have to get through this and be strong as I know that we're going to be together again. But having done everything together for so long it took some time doing things. It seemed everything single thing that I did reminded me of my partner. Shopping, cleaning, cooking, even just going out to buy things for the house. I mean I have company, the kids and they can cheer you up, they can say the most nicest things to put that smile on your face and that works for a while then you go back to the depressing thoughts again. And sometimes you've got to be the strong one when the kids are missing them too. Even food....I lost all appetite to eat. But I have to say I don't really know how I've managed to cope and I have and there is never a moment that my partner is not on my mind. Every minute of every day I think about them. Knowing that they are probably feeling as sad and lonely as I am.

But for the past two two nights I have felt even more lonely as this time I am really alone. Because of our plans not quite going to plan I have had to go on a trip, that should have included both of us, by myself. I have spent the last two nights sleeping alone with no kids to cheer my up when I feel sad, just me, myself and I. This is going to be the third night and I am really feeling the low low crunch of loneliness. Crying just doesn't cut it. I have to cook for one, or heat food for one. I can't even cook. The fridge is filled with.....bottles of water and one packet of mushroom pie.....

I know many people love to live alone and it's great to have all that time to yourself but after being with someone and doing everything together so such a long time then suddenly having them gone was not the best.

Now I know my partner's coming back and I may be feeling a little over the top. I know that there are people there in much dire circumstances than I am in right now but I was sitting reading my Harry Potter, having nothing else to do and I was overcome but this sadness as I am sitting alone, on the bed, in a bare room and I feel like I'm in prison or something. I don't know but it's the lowest feeling I have ever felt, I can't even describe it........